WinterFest Golf

As we are all now well aware, Bam-Bam, I’m In Your Kitchen (Wearin Your Underwear), Bond, Gold Bond, Gentle Ben, Frank n’ Stein is The Champion of WinterFest XVIII.

What most people don’t know (or is it a Myth?), is that Bam-Bam was born Andy “Ima” Einstein, grandson of Albert Einstein, the father of the nuclear age.

Yes it’s true (or is it?) little Ima Einstein is the grandson of Albert Einstein, and as such, was expected to do great things, and advance the human race much like his grandfather had done so many years ago.

So little Ima went to the very best schools, learned from the very best mathematicians the world had to offer, working tirelessly on his studies 100 hours per week, every week of every year, for the first 25 years of his life.

Despite the hard work, Ima just was not his granddad, and while he did ok, was a “C” student at best, and was often caught in the bathroom “bonding” with his buddies (hmmmmm).

Soon Ima was visiting the Principal’s office on a regular basis, and hanging out with the wrong crowd – you guessed it – Yank Yanks.

Finally came that fateful day when after being summoned to the principal’s office one more time, little Ima was asked to leave “R U Smart University”.

Ima soon began to drink, and ask for dates (no luck here), and to play golf – and the rest is history.

And that’s where the Myth or Legend comes in….

Most believe Ima changed his name from Einstein to Stein at this pivotal point in his life to lose the unbearable weight of the Einstein name, and turned his concentration to becoming the best golfer that WinterFest has ever seen.

Myth of Legend?

Legend!!!

Ima also changed his first name to Bam-Bam and worked hard to get his WinterFest “card”, qualifying him for a shot at the greatest Championship ever – WinterFest.

Which just goes to show – You don’t need to be an Einstein to win WinterFest, you just need the right handicap card….

One of the more heart-warming legends (or is it?) of WinterFest history involves The Stork "Stu" "Bubba" Sterkel.

During WinterFest XVIII The Stork succumbed to a back ailment, having to forfeit his match to Gator Kouremetis and Team EUR.

Determined to get "back in the saddle", The Stork sought out the best medical advice — and feet — in Phoenix.  It’s reported at one point that The Stork had 4 Asian girls walking on his back to work out the "stiffness".  After the back walk, the girls put The Stork on "the rack" for additional "therapy" — with The Stork at times screaming — "Thank You Mistress Ling — May I have another?"

Well the treatments seemed to work, as The Stork was able to return to action in Round #4 of WF XVIII — and although not "at his best", The Stork proved to be inspirational to his Yank Yank team mates — not unlike "Rudy" of Notre Dame fame — or Brian Piccolo of Chicago Bear fame.

In fact, The Stork’s story was so inspiring that Hollywood decided to make a film about the courage of — The Stork.

A search was launched to find the very best actor to play the part of The Stork….  Would it Brad Pitt?  Tom Cruise??  Harrison Ford??  Woody Allen??

No — none of these fine actors were deemed to capture "the essence" of The Stork….  so who would it be?

The Legend goes that it was decided to use Joe Don Baker and reprise his character and role of "Walking Tall" fame – to pay tribute to the courage of The Stork.  So while Joe Don is a little older now (the walker was a nice touch) — and the use of a baseball bat versus a golf club seemed a bit suspect, the movie was a huge success, selling 8 copies of the CD that year….

Myth or Legend?

Myth!!!

While it is not true that "Walking Tall XII" starring Joe Don Baker was a tribute to The Stork — Hollywood did indeed make a tribute film to The Stork’s courage — and hired a big time star for the role — and you know him and it of course — Heath Ledger — starring in…………..

Broke "Back" Mountain.

Joining WinterFest for the 1st time this year, "Indy" "Jones-an" Klein brings a whole new flavor to the event

First of all Indy is a Texan and of course everything from Texas is bigger – so he’s got that goin for him…

But making WinterFest folklore history (or is this just a Myth?), Indy has brought his nanny for moral (?) support – and we hear she’s great with kids too…

The question is – is Indy the very first WF participant EVER to bring his nanny to WinterFest???

Myth or Legend?

Myth!!!!

While Indy has brought his nanny to WinterFest and she was the honorary bingo numbers at last night’s blowout bingo night bash for Team Yank Yank – and she has "been there for Indy" during these difficult handicap times , she was NOT the "first" nanny to attend WinterFest!!!

Way back in Winter Fest ought I — Snaaake "Bubbles" Lawler brought his nanny / date Mrs Doubtfire…

While a little older – word is that Mrs D was quite the Monkey Women back in the day — before electricity

The Lama is already a legend in WinterFest history – and no one argues that point or they get an automatic invite to Lama’s "Cannon — ball" event – where drinks are provided too.

But another legend – or is it a myth? – is that after winning WF XV, The Lama was so "pumped" that he decided he needed to "initiate" the Jacket as only a Euro could do – and that was to do the horizontal limbo wearing only the Champions jacket.

Despite his enthusiasm he decided to consult Woozy to make sure it was in keeping with Euro team standards.

"Go for it!", exclaimed BT! "If nothing else do it for the principle of the thing’.

And so The Lams became the 1st WinterFest Champion ever to "Just Do it" wearing The Champions Jacket…

Myth or Legend?

Legend!!!

Unfortunately The Lama misinterpreted Woozy’s instructions – becoming the 1st WinterFest Champion to "do it" with a school principal…

While proving to be incredibly expensive, The Lama did receive "extra credit", and an open invitation to "pound the books" whenever he wants to.

Scatback "The Deuce" Dembeck has often been the target of Euro harassment through the years – that is fact – not legend – but WF folklore suggests the worst harassment "Demi" ever suffered through came at the hands of his fellow Yank Yank teammates…

The story goes that Biily Bob "now not Walkin so Tall" "Stork" "Bubba" Sterkel – The Deuce’s brother-in-law suffers from a slight speech impediment and has had great difficulty pronouncing "The Deuce" – instead coming out as "The Douche"

This has been a constant source of embarrassment for "Scatback" although he does get quite a few calls for dates.

Myth or Legend?

Legend!!!

Yes its true that "Walkin Not So Tall" "Bubba" – and Madeline Kahn mispronounce "The Deuce"

The good news?  Snaaake Lawler was able to get "The Deuce’s" handicap adjusted – so that in Round 2 of WF XVIII Deuce’s official Ryder Cup name was changed to "The Uno"

And be able to play from the red tees has been pretty "nifty too" exclaims and obviously excited – and throbbing – Uno Dembeck!!!

Snaaake "Bubbles" Lawler — Much has been said and written about this man that some consider to be the unofficial Team Captain of Team USA.  While most of it is true and troubling, the one thing that no one has been able to confirm or deny, is the origin of Snaaake’s middle name "Bubbles".

Many know that Bubbles, after the devastating loss — and the scoring scandal – of Ryder Cup XIV in Pinehurst, North Carolina, disappeared — only to turn up months later as an exotic dancer at The Pink Pony in Pinehurst.

Others know that Snaaake tried unsuccessfully to enter the "3 Steps" Program, trying to end a self-destructive pattern of putting — and putting — and putting — and then raking.  But unfortunately the program was unsuccessful, as the Snaaake continues to be seen in public with a specially outfitted rake flask which the Snaaake believes conceals his potentially lethal ailment.

But "Bubbles" — what does it mean?  Does it refer to Snaaakes amicable personality?

Or is it his willingness to share putting tips to anyone — and I mean anyone – that will listen?

Or does it refer to his rare yet strange disease — that has led United States health agencies to recommend placing the country’s entire general population in a "bubble" leaving Snaaake and his unique genes on the outside looking in?

Or like most Yank Yanks does Bubbles simply prefer a slightly feminine sounding moniker?

What is it?  Why does Snaaake prefer to be known as Bubbles Lawler?

There are those who have suggested that Bubbles actually comes from Team Yank Yank "bath night" — when like most other things — Team Yank Yank gets together for a Team Building "Exercise" — in this case a Team Bath Night.

Could it be that Snaaake’s nickname Bubbles is simply a "by-product" of Team Yank Yank Bath Night???

Myth or Legend?

Legend!!!!

Yes indeed Bubbles does get his nickname from Team Yank Yank BathNight as The Snaaake likes to "get a rise" out of his fellow Yanks by passing gas in the Team Bath!!!

Incidentally the Team Opted to go with "Bubbles" in lieu of "Oh My God – Who Cut the Cheese!!" as it was shorter and much easier for Team members to remember and spell. 

Scatback Demi Deuce Dembeck has long been a mysterious and dark force in WinterFest and of course is a part of Team Yank Yank.

No one really knows much about “The Deuce” — and some say that it is because of a reputed lengthy career making pornographic films.

In particular the name “Scatback” is rumored to be associated with a specific style of film that “The Deuce” was reputed to prefer filming. Think about it – “Scat” – and “The Deuce” – don’t these two names seem somehow linked?

The mystery has never been resolved to this day and Scatback of course has “no comment” when asked….

Myth or Legend?:   Can it be that Scatback Demi “The Deuce” “Demi” Dembeck is in fact former porn star Harry Reams….???

Answer:  MYTH !!!!

The thought of any Yank Yank being the star of pornographic films is simply impossible!!! 

Actually “Scatback” comes from the fact that The Deuce loves to sing “Scat” style songs and often stays up late (by Yank Yank standards – meaning until 7 PM) entertaining his teammates with Louis Armstrong impressions….

Great fun I’m sure (man does this Team Yank Yank need help).

And "The Deuce"?  Well anyone who knows Bad Boy Mad Max TOWM Amped Hample knows Team Yank Yank struggles with bodily functions — especially when Team EUR is after them in the Ryder Cup!!!  The Deuce is sadly no different than Porker Hample… and occasionally "lets go".

Myth or Legend: During WinterFest XVI – Sizzle "En Fuego" is rumored to have decided he wanted to challenge Amped "TOWM" The Earl of Hurl "Ralph" "Spewh" Hample for the all-time nickname title in WinterFest

Answer: Legend!

Accordingly Sizzle felt his odds of increasing his nickname tally would improve if he "networked" with the larger Pinehurst community

And so today Sizzle En Fuego is known as Sizzle "En Fuego" "Slappy" "Spanky" "Bruiser" Byrn

Myth or Legend: Bond, James Bond became WinterFest XVI Champion by recording the first hole-in-one in WinterFest history in route to a final round 76/63 – overtaking Amped "TOWM" Hample who was attempting to repeat as WinterFest Champion. Myth or Legend?

Already looking forward to kicking Snaaake’s but in WinterFest XVII – IN JACKSONVILLE??? – HOME OF 2 TPC courses – lots of water oh boy

WinterFest Myths and Legends – Part XX — The Prequel

To clarify further — the Snake and the Pope’s dabbling with Woozy-Ball — it is a MYTH (you can ask Mister if you want) that the Snake and the Pope had resorted to Long Putters — that would be illegal under  the USPGA rules.

And the ranger passed out in the drop area — and rolled only 1 club length — again — all legal within Winterfest Rules.

Myth or Legend: Considered the greatest comeback in Ryder Cup history EUR scored 12 unanswered points in Ryder Cup XIV on day 4 to come from a 27 – 21 day 3 deficit to win Ryder Cup XIV in dramatic and record breaking fashion!!!!

USA Captain Snaaaakie "Out" Lawler was immediately dismissed as team Captain.  Rumor has Snaaakie found happiness though, becoming an exotic dancer at Pure Gold in Pinehurst, and is available for private parties. 330-555-SNAK